I finally really "Meet" Chance (My father) Thursday December 20th. I stressed all day, which wasn't good seeing how was already stressed out with exams. But was still able to go through with it and go to the hospital to really meet my father for the "first" time.
My friend Shelby Harrell went with me, We entered the hospital and headed up to the 5th floor in which I was told that was his floor, so we rode the elevator up to the 5th floor I saw the two doors to into the ICU and slowly stopped dead in my tracks, I told Shelby i couldn't do this, she said yes you can, so I took one step and then stopped again but with that step I got my self together and forced my way through the double doors but when opened them I was greeted by a nurse I quickly asked her if she had a Chance Howell she softly said no, but she would check if he was on floor 4. She called, but didn't get a true answer so she told us to head down there. So, we went to the 4th floor and were greeted by a huge waiting room full of people, scary people I might add... I didn't see any desk or phone so I went back up the the 5th floor and told the nurse I didn't think that was the right floor, she explained to me that there was a button you pressed by the door in the corner. So we went back down and to the door, I buzzed in and was told there was no Chance in their facility, I walked away confused and headed down in the elevator to the first floor to ask the front desk. I walked up kinda frustrated but decided it wasn't the nurses fault so I softly and gently asked the lady where my father was, she rudely informed me he was on the 7th floor.
Shelby and I rode up to the 7th floor (The top floor) which neither one of us liked as we are both terrified of heights ;) I slowed down (seeing how fast walker, especially when on a mission) at the nurses station and told them I was here to see my father and asked if there was anything needed to do first, she told us to put on a mask and knock, as I was placing the mask to my face the nurse informed me that he was expecting me and would be happy to see me.
I knocked and quickly walked in (wanted to get this over with) I said "Hey, this is my friend Shelby" and quickly sat down on the couch. And as we did, he sat down in the chair next to us.
I am 17; he is 48. And as I sat there meeting him "properly" for the first time, a thousand questions rushed through my mind, Why did he drink?, Why did he never "really" try to make contact? What did he know about me? And how in this world will we try and catch up on 17 years? Childhood; family, school, dreams?
He looked weak, scrawny but firm arms, tattoos upon every arm, split brown hair with a few streaks of gray. This man was my father.
Face-to -face the questions I prepared to ask him evaporated, my mind was a empty can. My mouth became so dry, and my words failed me.
For the first few minutes, He kept picking up the phone to call a few people and let them know I was there. It aggravated me at first but then on one of the phone calls he proudly and excitingly said hey buddy, guess who is here with me. I smiled. And talked to everyone he called :) We then started talking about my future and my family, and soon the conversation turned to him and about the choices and chances he's taken, he began to tell me it was time for a change, he was too old to be "living it up".
Through the whole conversation I kept having a little voice in the back of my head asking "Why weren't you there, Did you ever think about me?" but I soon realized that both of us had unanswered questions and accusations hanging on us like baboon.
A nurse then appeared bringing him some food and then exited. I soon found my self laughing as he chuckled "they will starve a fellow in here, glad I'll eat good tomorrow when I go home"
We then carried on with the awkward catching up and moments of silence when neither one of knew what to say. And soon the clock struck a late time so we said our goodbyes and told him to keep me updated.
He went home with his brother Friday, so he would be in a different and better environment. He has called me periodically since and I am always busy or driving so can't answer it, and for those of you who know me know I have a memory like a goldfish and forget to return the call, But I did get of the phone with him just a few minutes ago. We exchanged merry Christmas greetings and plans to meet Thursday, he said he hasn't picked the bottle back up (prayers answered)!
Merry Christmas Everyone!! Here's a few pictures to remind you of the true Reason for the Season!
One of my Favorites, But you know I'm a birth junkie!
Probably one of my most favorites! He grew up with his hands in wood, and he died with his hands in wood!
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