Well as the day began, I knew they were going to try and wake my father up again today. I worried and stressed all day, knowing I would go to the hospital after school. I feared he would be awake, and not want me there. And also felt deep down that I wasn't ready for him to be alert. I know it's selfish but I thought emotionally I needed a few more days off him not talking back.
My friend Shelby Perkin's and I entered the hospital, and I think both of us were nervous. I know I was!
We were greeted by a beautiful tree, in which was there the first visit. But didn't recognize the beauty of it till today!
We then went up to his floor and into the waiting room. I dialed the phone to be buzzed in. And after a few minutes a nurse arrived to inform me I wasn't on the list. I called my sister Jessica (His daughter) and got everything cleared out and soon entered Rm.2
I did really good as I took in the view, I could tell things were different. He was A LOT more alert, but seemed to be resting. So, I quietly sat down for a second. But, then decided I wasn't going to do that this time. I had to be stronger. I made my way to the nurses station to ask if it was okay if I was to wake him. The nurse told me in the situation we didn't want to alarm him too much, so just to talk to him first. So I went back to the room and next to his bed I started at him for a minute and soon fell into tears. I could tell he was suffering, he was weak. After a few moments of watering my eyes I finally worked up the courage to talk to him. I slid my hand over his and as I did his eyes started opening just a little. So, I whispered it's Gabrielle. He instantly opened his eyes more, and his mouth began to move as to speak.And his eyes were watering. His grip got tighter and then he soon gave up knowing no matter what he couldn't say anything, he just gripped my hand. As I saw the tears in MY father's eyes, tears began to fill my eyes again. I squeezed his hand back, trying to let him know it was okay he couldn't talk because truth is I couldn't either.
You can see the tears at the corner of his eyes. Can break anyone's heart!!
For of those of you who know me, know I'm a bawler not a crier. So of course I had to let his hand go, so I could go blow my nose and wipe away my tears. And really get a hold of my self. My mind and heart were racing. Did that really just happen?
I went back to his bedside just to make sure, and sure enough tears were at the corner of his eyes, I softly wiped his tears away. And as I did his eyes began to open again. I grabbed his hand and told him it was still me. He gripped my hand so hard. But in a soft way. Never knew that was possible.
it's amazing how much love and heartache you can feel in someone's hands.
I stepped back, and loosened my hand, still not able to believe what was happening. I soon let go of his hand and wiped away more tears from my eyes. I then stepped back up and gently moved my hand to his face I pushed back his hair and softly moved my hand over his forehand and with my other hand I grabbed his hand and told him it was still Gabrielle. And as I did he began to move, he sat up and scooted more towards me. I stepped back again, SHOCKED! Then picked up his hand again and as I did his mouth started moving, his eyes fighting to open, and his body tried to sit up I let go and rubbed his arm telling him it was okay. But to him it wasn't, the machines began going off, he was fighting his ventilator by trying to talk to me. The nurse came running in, and tried claiming him down, telling him he wouldn't be able to get off it, if he didn't stop fighting it. But he was pretty stubborn (Guess that's where I get it from) and kept fighting them, she called in another nurse and asked us to step out. Shelby and I stepped out into the waiting room, I cried a little more until the door opened and the nurse appeared and told us that he won't get off it, if he doesn't stop fighting it, that it would be best if we say our goodbyes for the day. So I went in and told him, he needed to not fight it, that it was okay. And that I would be back soon.
As soon as we entered the lobby I dialed my friend Jacqueline, her voice brought some peace to my busy heart. And of course there were more tears, as I told her about my visit.
Afterwards my Mom, Shelby and I decided to go have dinner.
In which we choose Chinese, which ALWAYS includes fortunes :)
My fortune tonight, Hmmm.....
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