So why have I've been so busy?
For starters, my beautiful niece finally made her appearance! On January 16th My brother and his wonderful wife welcomed a 5lb 2oz baby girl. Phoenix Ember :)
The day she was born on the top and then yesterday on the bottom
And then this is the first weekend in about 8 weeks that I have not spent with my father.
It's been okay. Like everything it has had it ups and downs.
Lets start with the ups.
He has been trying
On Jan 26th, Chet, Leeanna, Chance and I went off shore fishing. Which was my first time!
On Jan 27th, they cooked the fish and we had a good ole time!
On Feb 3rd he joined me at church. I was so happy he came!
Now I'm not going to lie and say it's all been butterfly's and rainbows! Trust me it hasn't!
I've learned through meeting him, that I'm still working on forgiveness.
Sometimes I look at him, and see my eyes, my skin, some of my mannerisms... And start to get angry, I don't know why. But I just do. I think of my youth and how I just assumed I got my eyes from my Gma,and etc. I always thought since my father had nothing to do with me, he should have nothing to do with what I am! But I've learned. That's not how God created me! God created me as God's daughter!
Sometimes it's just plain awkward. We will sit in the same room, car,building etc and not say a word.
I remember one morning before school when he was here, we went to Hardee's for breakfast, and sat there barely saying anything.Not even making eye contact either. I dropped him off, and cried all the way to school.
Sometimes when I go visit him I just want to go home. I want to go home with my mom, the woman who was/is my mom and my dad. The person who tucked me in at night, read me bed times stories, the person who took care of me when I was sick, the person who there every practice and game, the person who told me she loved me, the person who showed me god's love, The person who raised me!
And sometime's I feel bad for all the anger and hurt I feel sometimes. It's not something that is there every waking moment, but something that just creeps up on me every now and then. Some things set me off, like him telling me he will go to church with me then doesn't, or making a negative comment about something/someone I love. Guess it's all things I need to pray about, along with our relationship.
Until next time! -Gabby
Hello
ReplyDeletei noticed your board on sexual abuse on pinterest and was encouraged by your work. I have recently started pinning tag lines from a collection of poems and stories that i have compiled.
I am male, sexual abused by both my parents from 4-16. The issue of the sexual abuse of men, especial by their parents if not a 'dinner conversation' as a society we are prepared to have. The work deals with the effects of sexual abuse and pornography on men and subsequently there wives and children.
I have released an abridged version of the book at noworkingtitle.org
If you have time, i would appreciate your feedback, if your interested in the project, your support.
my email is: nwtauthor@icloud.com
theAuthor